When I was new to leadership some years ago I remember being late to one of my own meetings.  I had broken down in my truck on the way to the church and was already in a bad mood.  When I arrived at the church one of my staff members made a joke about me being late.  I deserved it on many levels, but the fact that I criticized persons on my staff all the time for being late, and not accepting excuses, was what really made it bad.  I snapped at the person making the joke and lost a great deal of credibility in that moment.  It took me a few months to get back to where I was with my staff in terms of influence.

I knew what I was doing was wrong, but at the time I let my ego get the best of me. I learned an important lesson that day.  It was important for me to take responsibility and not make excuses.  It is very easy for me to come up with all the reasons why something did not get done or go my way.  However, my staff does not want excuses, they want results. I have committed myself to that and try to live out that example each day.  I have found that my staff is receptive and does not give excuses because I do not give them, nor do I take them.

Choosing to lead others is a choice that not all persons are willing to accept.  I have chosen this path and know that it is a long road to continue growing.  I want to be a responsible leader, one who others can use as an example of how to lead in the right way.  I am responsible for the growth and direction of my team.  I choose to help them develop into leaders who take responsibility.  Are you taking the responsibility to lead, or are you making excuses every time something goes wrong.  I’ll tell you this much – until you are mature enuff to take the blame, you will not be a true leader.

The place that I do most of my thinking is in the pool.  I can swim for a long time and think about absolutely nothing.  One of my mentors tells me that I am what I am thinking about when I am not thinking about anything.  Wow, get your mind around that, I know.  All great peeps, from musicians to teachers and ordinary thugs like you and me have a process that we have to go through.  What makes you successful?  Where do you find your best thoughts and ideas?  Do you write them down?

One of the homies does tons of driving in his bidness and so he does not get to stop a whole lot to just chill and think.  This guy is on the road sometimes for like twelve hours at a time.  And we all know that when we are starring at the white lines on the road is when we get some good stuff that pops in our heads.  For him, he has a voice recorder so that he can pretty much talk to himself.  I found this method to be useful in my own life, since I find myself talking to no one in particular much of the time.

The point is that you do not want to miss the good ideas that you have.  One of my boys is a comedian and is always looking for good material. He carries a full-on notebook in his back pocket to write stuff down as it comes to him.  So, where is your “thinking chair”? Are you consistent in your thinking time?  You should be doing this every day.  Get one of your peeps to hold you accountable and see what kind of crazy madness you come up with – you’ll surprise yourself… I did, and still do.

The other path you can choose is to accept the rules for what they are and adapt to them. It’s like being in a competition or game or whatever. If you find out that the referee sucks then you can either quit or find out what needs to be done in order to win… and then win! It is funny to see how many peeps spend so much time and energy complaining when they just need to accept the rules for what they are and get on it. Life is not fair and there are times when you are going to be thrown down or have it harder than others. Are you going to complain? Or are you going to get it done?

When you are a leader you do not have the luxury of making excuses. The bottom line is that at the end of a deadline or project it is either done or it is not. It is either good or it isn’t. You have the choice. A batter who is unhappy with a horrible umpire has the choice to either cry about the strike zone or adapt to it. A good leader will adapt to all situations and make the necessary adjustments to get the job done. We all have the opportunity to go one way or the other. Don’t play the part of the victim – no one likes a complainer… play the part of a leader. This will cause others to rise up and reach their potential, and there is nothing better than seeing others succeed.

When you became the leader of your team you decided to take all of the responsibility and none of the credit. Everything that goes right is because of the peeps on your team and eveything that goes wrong is because you screwed up. And when I say that I mean even if someone on your team did something that was “less than informed” and it is their fault – you better check yourself and realize that ultimately it is a lack of good leadership on your part that let it happen. I know you are gonna say that you did all you could that was in your power and that there was no way that you could prevent it. Whatever it is… it happened and it happened on your watch.

John Wooden (2003) has two sets of three that he lives by and teaches. The first of those is “Don’t whine, don’t complain, don’t make excuses.” so check this out. If you expect your team to perform at the highest level then you have to first do it yourself. When you give yourself the OK to violate any of those principles then you are giving your team licence to do the same but at a much worse level. When you become a leader you automatically accept responsibility. So stop blaming others and get the job done.

Here is the thing though. I know that his last nite in town was going to be a time for family, you know, for goodbyes and stuff. I begin this blog by expressing how honored I feel that he would include me in that time. You see, Cobb has always been one to seek others out who he thought had potential. I am one of those peeps. For more on mentoring and why you need to find a mentor you should check out my homies blog on this subject (http://bit.ly/9LKNEK). In that blog, Lem talks about how there are a select few mentors who actually seek others to give time to and add value. Have you been lucky enough to be one of those peeps? If you are, then you really need to take advantage of that time and respect and honor the time that you receive from that mentor in your life.

When I was out with Cobb the other nite my leadership radar was up and ready. I knew that I only had a certain amount of time with him and that I was not sure when I was going to see him next. I was very intentional with the questions that I asked. I wanted to gain wisdom and insight into ministry and life and I know that he was willing to give it – he is always willing to give advice to those who will listen. And after many years of shedding my pompous “I am the man” atttude, I am slowly beginning to learng what it means to move my leadership to the next level by listening to guys like Cobb.

So the question is, are you listening? And you seeking out a mentor who can speak into you life? And if someone is seeking you out because he or she sees potential in you, take what you can get. You will speed up your journey toward being a leader.

David Schwartz writes, “Big people monopolize the listening.” and this is the way that Cobb was with me. I was always in some big idea, a way to make my life better. And I always brought it to him. We would sit for hours at a time over a cup of coffee, at his house, his office – wherever we were at that particular moment – and I would tell him the details of my life. Funny thing is that I did not ask for advice very much in the early years. But that is the kind of guy that Cobb was and still is today. He has always been one of those “big people.”

I write this because it is my hope that you have those kind of people in your life. The persons who will ask questions, not for the sake of stumping you or making you feel dumb or whatever. But for the sole purpose of getting to know you better. These are the peeps that you want in your inner circle. These are the peeps that are going to make a difference in your life. They are the ones that will know understand how you work, because the more they listen to your rambling over time the more they will be able to speak into your life.

Cobb has always been one reluctant to give advice to me. Not because he did not know what I needed. Believe me, he knows me enuff to point me in the right direction. But he also knows that a stubborn punk like me needs to be nurtured. Hey, at least I have come from the days of not thinking tat I needed advice of any sort. I was on top of the world as a teenager. My ideas were invincible, or so I thought. Today I am a lot more humble, though sometimes it may not seem to others or even myself. But there is something about talking to someone who knows you to the core of your being. When someone knows your joys, fears, struggles, strengths and everything in between, you start of listen.

Who do you have in your life that knows you in that way? Think of the person or persons who listen to you most. The ones who are not quick to judge you or tell you what you need to do. These are the persons who are listening to you and want to know you on a deeper level. These mentors, and in many instances your peers, have the capacity to speak into your life. And if they are anything like Cobb, you will have to drag it out of them. They know you. Listen to them and hang on the words they offer. They are few… but powerful.

If you have never been to the beach on Independence Day, you really must do it at least once. And for me, once was enough, but I somehow got suckered into going more than my quota-filling one time. There are so many peeps there that there is absolutely no parking, everyone sneaks in fireworks and booze and anything else you can think of. There is so much that can go wrong because all of the peeps are not paying attention for anything. However, the excitement of being there is off the hook. The kids always have a great time. They are away from the folks, they feel like they have freedom and it is just a downright good time. And that is why you have to be extra careful.

We would leave early in the morning to get there and try to stake out a place on the beach. There were fireworks shows all over the place and you were bound to have a great seat no matter where you were on the beach. The fuzz is all over the place just itching to give out ticket for anything. When we get down there and take accountability and give out the rules, stuff always changes. There is always some unforeseen circumstance that we would have to deal with. Like one year when we were there and there was not a bathroom in a square mile because someone had blown up the one closest to us with M1000’s. Yeah, way to be mature. It was hilarious, I must say. But stuff like that.

By the time the day was over I was ready to roll and get anywhere but there. And I would vow to myself as I hit the pillow that I would never do it again. But come the next weekend and all the talk about how much fun everyone had, how could I resist? How could I say no to fun and relationships? How could I say no to ministry? You are right, I couldn’t – what at push-over. What is the event you despise the most in your ministry, the one that makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck just thinking of all the prep and turmoil that it will put you through each time – yet, knowing that it is the best event that you put on, one that the kids love? My advice, keep doing it. Suck it up and just remember that you can always look back years later and say, “ahhh, the things I did for ministry opportunities…” Funniest part is, you will always have those events… good luck.

I know that you have the pulse of your group and that you prolly do a great job in your ministry. I hope that you are giving tons of time to your students, but more to the peeps that put time into them on a daily basis. You know, the leaders in your ministry. The volunteers that give up a bunch of their free time to spend putting into the youth of today, building into the leaders of tomorrow. And since they are with the students so much, you need to listen to your volunteer staff.

If you are like many of the pastors I chill with, you have a full plate. There are things in your schedule that make your ministry difficult to keep up with and you need all the help you can get. And this is why the input you get from your staff is so important. When one of my peeps would come up to me to discuss an issue that s/he felt was important, in my younger days I would listen, but not really. This was the absolute worst thing I could have done. Just because I was the guy with the title did not make me the one with the best ideas all of the time. Yes, I think I had a pretty good idea of what needed to be done and I was very intuitive, but the stuff that was brought to my attention from others was equally important.

Had I listened to the suggestions of my staff back then I would have saved myself a lot of time. I had to learn to listen. Timing issues, themes, concerns, series suggestions, program glitches; these were all problems that I faced on a weekly basis and could have used the help that was right in front of me. Are you listening to your staff? Do you value their input? There are peeps that know ministry as well and many even better than you. They are there to help. They want the youth program to succeed just as much as you do. Listen to them, you would be wise to add their counsel to your decision-making process.

You have to give your peeps time. If you choose to have them on your team, then no excuses. When we were a smaller group and it was hard to get leaders for the kids, we were willing to take anyone at all. We just wanted warm bodies. A lot of you may be in the same situation. And if you are at the mercy of anyone who will give you their time then you have an obligation to them. And you have to give them your all. And that is why you need to be training yourself. Train yourself.

Good book to start with… Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Yeah, I know. This is a pretty straight forward book. And when it was suggested to me I was like, ok, I don’t think I really need to read something like that. And that is exactly why I needed it. The stuff was so simple and easy, but so much of it I was not doing. Even the beest peeps in the world need help and the best leaders are constantly learning. Are you? If you are not reading till your eyes hurt then I would suggest that you carve out a little time to do so.

Train yourself or your peeps will end up leaving your team. When they know that you are not growing anymore they will peace out. They may not even know why they are leaving, but they will. I expect my staff to read and listen to stuff and put time into their own development. And the reason that they are willing to do so is that they know that I am always trying to do what it takes to get better at what I do.

I am not that good. None of us are. And that is why we need to continually stay on the cutting edge in our learning curve and training. If you devote yourself to making yourself better each day then you give yourself a better chance of adding value to others. And isn’t that what ministry is all about? Do your best and never stop learning. Train yourself and always do more than your staff will. Let them know that you are serious about growth in your group and in each of their lives personally. It will benefit your ministry a ton.